I know most of you won’t care, you’ll tell me I’m a pathetic Bella Swan type.
But I have been dating this guy, and I dropped everything for him; my friends, my job, my home, all of it, to be with him.
I love him, and he’s honestly made me a better person.
But I found out the other day, that for the entirety of our relationship, he’s been lying to me….I told him I didn’t want him talking to this one girl, who he has constant flirtations with. And when I went on the depo-provera shot, my bi-polar became increasingly worse, and I was always angry or sad, or just not fully there.
Now, I found out that he’s been using my laptop to message her on facebook, and tell her how beautiful she is, and always asking for pictures, and he used to tell me I was beautiful, all the time. Now I never hear it.
Four days ago, he asked her on a dinner date.
I found out, and attempted to overdose on Myla-Clonazapam with a wine cooler. Unfortunately it just made me incredibly drowsy, and I’ve still been having the effect two days later.
He came home, and I confronted him about it, and he told me he had done nothing wrong, because he hadn’t gone through with it.
I had even made myself pretty for him when he came home from work; a nice dress, make-up, hair done, the works. But when I found out Ifreaked out.I went a little over board.
When he told me he didn’t feel sympathy for my pain, or that he had done nothing wrong, I went and attempted suicide by cutting, which didnt work either.
He was planning on cheating on me, after telling me the only time he would cheat would be if I did first.
I don’t trust him, I don’t believe anything he says anymore.
I asked him if he loved me last night; he said yes. I asked him if he found me sexually attractive; he said yes. I asked if he wanted to see other people; he said no, but that I needed to think for myself if we were ever going to work.
But, he wanted me to be submissive; he wanted me to not only work an 8 hour job, but when I got home to be ready to do the dishes, and the laundry, and clean the house, while he sat on his ass and messaged this girl while pretending to play Grepolis.
He lied to me, everytime I asked who he was talking to on his phone, he’d say it was another friend, and that I was overreacting.
But I overreacted in trying to kill myself.
I did not overreact when I went through his facebook and blocked and deleted every girl he’s ever had flirtations with.He hasn’t even changed his facebook display picture once since we’ve been together, yet he’s had pictures of his ex and him as his profile picture.
I just need someone not to tell me to leave him, but to help me figure out a way to stop this crippling depression that’s given me an inability to eat for 3 days. Everytime I try, I throw up. I used to eat like a linebacker….not anymore.
I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’ll be okay. My mother says God is always with me, and that he’ll listen. But her God is not corporeal and cannot give me a hug and look me in the eyes and tell me everything will get better. He isn’t there to keep me from being lonely.
The doctor told me I should never be alone…I’m always alone though. Always.